Saints Row: Life is a Game
by RebukeX7
Summary: Side-story to my LIAG series! Can be read alone w/o any prior knowledge to my series! Crack with plot! What happen's when one man's swag completely and utterly fails? He ends up the boss of the third street saints of course! Follow the story of a de-powered Rebuke and Rebuff as they try to return to their own home. One-shot until further notice. Re-upped due to missing content.
1. So we're Saints now?

**+Reuploaded due to random ass scrambling of my story.**

**-Replaced due to typos- damn im tired.**

**Disclaimer: If I owned saints row…nothing would change its THAT insane.**

**Day three of Rebuke's one shot's remember each of these will potentially become a full story so please make sure you review the next LIAG depends on you!**

**Chapter 0: So we're Saints now?**

**~White Room~**

"So what seems to be the problem with your simulator?" Rebuke question as he sipped his coffee and looked at his third in command with a raised eyebrow. Rebuke was a man with white hair and silver eyes and tanned skin. He was currently wearing a black suit that was in complete contrast to his hair.

"Well you know how I intended for this to create a world where members of our group would become powerless in order for them to train not rely so much on their abilities?" Rebuff asked her boss making him nod.

Rebuff stood slightly over six feet tall, making her a head taller than their boss and her body had all of the right curves. She had caramel colored skin and white hair. Her hair was a slightly long, messy pixie cut and two of her bangs framing her face had been braided and dyed black. Her eyes were grey and she was wearing white lipstick. She was wearing part of a black suit. That is to say, the pants are there, and so is the top half of the black shirt, though the bottom of that has been cut-off just above her navel and neatly hemmed in place. The suit jacket was replaced with an equally sophisticated vest, though it was always left unbuttoned, and her white tie was usually quite slack. The dress shoes were also traded in for a comfortable pair of combat boots.

"While it _does _take away the powers it didn't exactly create a virtual world." Rebuff said while biting her lip. "Instead it _transports_ you to a world that is very similar to real earth in various ways." Rebuke frowned at that.

"Don't worry you'll figure it out eventually I have faith in you." Rebuke grinned making the woman smile _"Am smile, here's my chance! Swag Mode: Activate!"_ Rebuke snapped his fingers as he walked towards the woman.

**BGM: Marvin Gaye: Let's get it on**

"You know we've have been working together for a while and I have begun to feel this connection-"

"Nope." Rebuff deadpanned at her boss.

**BGM: END**

"Damn it!" Rebuke shouted throwing his hands up in the air. He and Rebuff could only watch horrified in slow motion as the brown liquid landed on her Not-so-simulator.

_*BZZT*_

"Oh that's not good." They spoke in unison before being engulfed by a bright light.

***BOOOOM***

**~Two Days later: ?~**

Rebuke groaned as he came to in an alleyway. Shakily standing up he quickly noticed another body in the alley. Recognizing the clothes, Rebuke walked towards Rebuff, but when he got there he gasped in surprise. She had Jet black hair and her body seemed to have shrunk approximately seven inches. Shaking her slightly, the game master was caught by surprise as he found himself victim to a vicious right to the face.

"_Glad to see her reflexes work properly." _Rebuke thought as he held his face in agony.

"Oops sorry boss-who the hell are you?" Rebuff questioned as she narrowed her eyes.

"What do you mean who am I? It's me Rebuke!" Rebuke told her making her snort.

"Rebuke has white hair and silver eyes, not brown and Hazel. Plus he's a shorty yet you are taller than me."

"I'm not that short damn it! You are just freakishly tall!" Rebuke shouted annoyed. Rebuff gave him a nervous grin and cleared her throat.

"Okay, you are him but that doesn't explain the growth spurt."

"I didn't get taller. _You_ got shorter." Rebuke revealed as he crossed his arms.

As if trying to prove him right her dress pants slowly began to slide down. Grabbing them quickly the woman growled.

"Shit I just got this dry cleaned." Looking at her now petite body she released a long sigh. "Judging by my…weight loss _in all of the wrong places…_ I can assume that not only have we become mortal we have de-aged to approximately fifteen years of age."

"_Fuck. I_ just got my horniness under control." Rebuke groaned making the woman snort.

"Bull shit." Rebuff stated simply. "Now we have to figure out where we are and what to do now." Rebuke frowned at her while crossing his arms.

"Why don't we just call Jorn and have him pick us up so we can reverse this?" Rebuke narrowed his eyes as she began to whistle innocently while sweating. "The fuck did you do?"

"I had to test it _somehow._ Jorn got warped to the Call of duty series so we'll have to wait for him to reach and beat the Black ops 2 game before he can help us. And that's if there isn't another game or DLC coming out before he can."

"Damn! Shit well hopefully he's okay."

"Come on boss its _Jorn." _Reminded her boss as they began to walk out the ally.

**-With Jorn-**

"Shit Ghost stay frosty!" The black haired man shouted as his silver and green eyes narrowed. He tackled Gen. Shepherd to the ground.

Oh the Irony (1)

While Ghost shot the downed man in the head.

"When I get my hands on Rebuff she's dead!" Jorn growled as he limped to the helicopter. While explosions and dramatic music occurred behind him

**-Rebuke & Rebuff-**

"Well I'm sure you're right, first let's see where we ended-OH you have got to be fucking kidding me!" Rebuke shouted as they left the ally. Rebuff turned to where he was staring and began twitching.

"Fuck your life." Rebuff groaned as she stared at a sign that said "Welcome to Stilwater."

"…Rebuff…"

"Yes…"

"You are so fired."

"It's your fault!"

"Who the fuck accidently makes a portal to Saint Row!" _Seriously _When the hell did that ever happen, don't worry I'll wait." Rebuke punctuated this by leaning on a nearby wall.

"It gets worse boss." Rebuff grimaced as she looked at her fuming possible ex-boss

"How?"

"The simulator only goes to world with no definite "Main Character" so that means…" She trailed off as Rebuke widened his eyes.

"_Hell no."_

"The Saints need a boss!"

"_No. I refuse."_

"Thug life!" Rebuff shouted at him. Rebuke swore if he had de-aged one more year he would have been crying right now.

"I am a fifteen year old boy now, whose combat experience relied on _summoning_ which I can no longer _do."_ Rebuff shrugged and fixed him with a stare. A stare that screamed: "You may be stronger but I can still kill you while you sleep."

"Fine."

"Great now excuse me while I go get some clothes." And with that statement Rebuff proceeded to perform a flying tackle on a nearby pedestrian and began ripping off the poor woman's clothes.

**-Later-**

Rebuke and Rebuff, who was now wearing a pair of black skinny jeans and a black tank top, stood against a wall while the gangs continued to fight each other. They grimaced when a red car pulled up, because they knew what was coming next.

"Hector says Buenos noches!" The Hispanic man said before unloading his clip.

***Bang* *Bang* *bang* Bang***

"Ah!" Rebuke and Rebuff dived out of the way as the car spiraled out of control and crashed in to the nearby wall.

***BOOOM***

"I hate you, I hate you, I hate you-"Was Rebuke's mantra as Rebuff rolled from on top of him. Lying on her back next to him she turned her head weakly.

"*Cough* Funny how this mess started because you tried to get in _my_ pants." Despite the seriousness of the situation Rebuke couldn't hold back his grin.

"I regret nothing." Rebuff chuckled but stopped when a shadow casted over them.

"Wrong time, wrong place, dawgs." The African American said while aiming his gun at the teens.

***Bang***

"Y'all okay playas?" Came the deep voice of Julius as he helped the two up. "I can't believe they would go as far as killing children." Julius led them to a wall while an explosion occurred behind them.

"Thanks bro." Rebuke said while resting his hands on his knees.

"That's Troy you can thank him later."

"Julius, let's go." Troy said while Julius continued to stare at the two with a thoughtful expression. "You can't be thinking of recruiting _them_ their just kids man!"

"The Saints need all the help they can get." Julius interrupted. "Come to the church when you're ready to be part of the solution." And with that the two Saints left, leaving the teens alone.

"Shit, where are we going to sleep?" Rebuff asked annoyed. Giving her current state she couldn't really seduce anyone and then rob them blind like she hoped. Rebuke sighed and grabbed her hand. "Let's get back to the ally we can deal with this in the morning.

**~3rd Street: Rallying Cry~**

Rebuke and Rebuff stood in the crowd and Rebuke couldn't keep the grin off his face.

"What's got you so happy?" Rebuff asked making her boss turn to her aghast.

"Don't tell me you forgot?'

"What."

"Listen this will be the best speech ever." And as soon as the words left his lips Julius came from the church.

"Every motha fucker here knows what we need to do." Julius began bluntly making Rebuff gape. "And those bitches be walking around thinkin' they own these streets. I don't care what colors they flying; Rollers, Carnales, Vice Kings. No one's makin' this nigga scared to walk the row. We gotta lock this shit down right now…"

"Heh, Alright!"

"Yeahhh!"

"Fuck yeah!" Johnny Gat agreed and Rebuke did his best not to faint after hearing one of the most badass people in existence.

"Chill, you're fanboying out." Rebuff chided softly making her boss regain his composure.

"The fuck are these little shits?" Johnny asked when he finally noticed the two teens.

"Get ready to throw down." Rebuke said as Rebuff stepped in front of making him look at her in confusion.

"Look, you are used to summoning and fighting with a partner, but right now you have no gun and can't summon said partner. Your hand to hand skills are almost non-existent but luckily your brain and tactics far surpass mine, boss." Rebuff whispered before glancing back at him. "You stay back and instruct me, your word is law and I will follow your every instruction. I might not be your original partner but I believe against thugs I won't be so shabby." Rebuff finished with a wink making her boss smirk and nod his head.

In truth, Rebuke was slightly worried about his inability to fight but now he couldn't wait to be canonized.

"Troy and I found them we want to see if they would ride with us."

"Julius, if they want to roll with the saints they gotta be canonized." Johnny said as the gang members began to circle the two.

"Hey he's right Julius everyone had to do it." Troy spoke up.

"Y'all ready for this playas?" Julius asked. Rebuke stepped back, while Rebuff tensed both nodded wondering if they could survive in this world with tag-team tactics. Suddenly an overweight male rushed them.

**BGM: Soldier-Eminem**

"Palm-thrust 12 o'clock follow up with a sweep kick and hop back!" Rebuke shouted as Rebuff shot forward. She hit the man in the center of his chest making his body jiggle, before going down and tripping him, his weight making the impact of the ground harder. She then hopped back blindly waiting for her boss' next order. She didn't wait long.

"Duck and elbow 6 o'clock." Dropping down she felt the wind of a blow go right over her head before slamming her elbow back in to a woman's stomach.

"Kick your shoe at me then finish this un-sneaky mother fucker off." Rebuke shouted sounding slightly annoyed at the last part. Giving a mental shrug she kicked the shoe at her boss, who tilted his head making the shoe pass him and hit an unlucky Mexican male. Rebuff then ran passed her boss and punched the man in the throat before slipping her shoe on.

"Swing your leg back perfectly then disarm him and hand me his weapon." Swinging her foot back she hit a Caucasian man in the balls.

"Oof." The man whimpered before falling on his knees. Rebuff wasted no time in grabbing the man's gun and tossing it to her boss. They shared a knowing grin as Rebuke felt the familiar weight of a desert eagle, before taking aim.

***BANG* *BANG***

And shooting both an African American and an Asian in the legs. Rebuke grinned as he twirled the gun in his hands.

**BGM: End**

Rebuke and Rebuff grinned as they stared at the shocked faces of the Third Street Saints

"You earned your colors today." Troy said after a moment and shook both of their hands.

"That's some impressive shit." One of the saints began as he put his arms over their shoulders. "The only other Saint that kicked ass like that was Johnny.

"Shit was around my time." Johnny said with a smirk causing the two new recruits to chuckle. Julius walked up and raised both of his fists.

"Welcome to the third Street Saints." They both pounded a fist and Julius continued talking. "Let's get down to business…"

**Bronze Trophy Unlocked: Canonized!**

**PAUSE**

**1)Read Jorn's Mass Effect: Life is a game series, co-authored by yours truly.**

**And there you have it and remember to leave your feedback.**

**Read and Review**

**RebukeX7**


	2. Polls Guide lines

**Disclaimer: I do own the polls!**

**Okay everyone its time for the polls! The polls will close on Saturday. Time for the guidelines**

**You can select up to 3 fics**

**Each current fic receives a bonus vote for every 5 reviews (reviews must pertain to the story or they won't count)**

**During the next week I will post the second chapter to each story.**

**When the polls close Saturday that's it. Done. Finished.**

**NOW**

**LET  
**

**THE**

**GAMES**

BEGIN


	3. Thug Life

**Disclaimer: If I owned Saints Row the MC would have talked in the first game**

**AN: I accidentally made a SMALL mistake last chapter…Rebuke's hair color now is BLACK not brown my bad.**

**Dedicated to Dai Gurren Rabbit for both his epic pen name and reviewing skills.**

**Chapter 1: Thug Life**

**~Stilwater: Church~**

After Julius explained to them what being a Saint meant, Troy walked up to the two teens and crossed his arms.

"Alright kids, time for y'all to buy a piece." Troy said as Rebuke deadpanned at him and raised his newly acquired Desert Eagle.

"I'm not giving this shit back." Rebuke said bluntly making Rebuff snort.

"Well I can at least buy me one." Rebuff said to her boss, making him nod. The three hopped over a nearby fence and ran to the nearest Friendly Fire.

"_I'll have these two see that this life has too much blood for them and scare them away, I don't want these kids to head down this awful life."_ Troy thought to himself as he ran behind the two. Little did he know that these two had already endured a worse life than some petty gang violence.

The Cop didn't even know what he was getting in to.

**-Friendly Fire-**

"When it comes to self-defense no one can beat our grenades." The clerk said cheerfully as Rebuff browsed her choices.

"We got a grand so pick anything you want; I'm going to stick with my Desert Eagle for now…it's nostalgic." Rebuke said as he smiled fondly at his silver gun.

"Since you are a girl I suggest you get something small from the pistol section." Troy advised the Rebuff, who was too bust pondering her boss' words.

"Nostalgic. Huh?" Rebuff said before walking to the clerk. "I'll take two T3K Urbans." Rebuff said as she handed the man all of the money. Troy gaped at the teen as she held both SMGs in her hands. "Little lighter than what I'm used to but it'll do." Rebuke couldn't help but laugh at the look on Troy's face.

"A-alright, now what do you say about taking those guns and cleaning up the Row with me?"

"You gotta test them somehow." Rebuff deadpanned as she turned to the exit.

"Come back again!" The clerk said as they walked out.

"Oh don't worry we will, sooner than you think." Something about that statement rubbed Troy the wrong way.

**-Outside-**

"We going to need some wheels." Rebuke said as he looked around. A black low rider pulled up at a stop light and caught his attention. "Alright Rebuff grab that car and bring it back.

"Alright, this will only take a second." Rebuff replied before running towards the car gaining the driver's attention. Ironically the driver turned out to be the same woman Rebuff stole her clothes from. "Get out of the fucking car!" Rebuff shouted nearly giving the woman a heart attack.

"But-"

"Now bitch!" Rebuff shouted as she aimed the gun at the hysterical woman.

"Why must you torment me!?" The woman wailed as Rebuff placed the barrel at her head.

_*Click*_ and off went the safety.

*SLAM*

Rebuff grinned as she watched the woman run away before hopping in to the car and driving back to the two males. She playfully honked the horn when she pulled up next to them.

"Ha that was priceless, alright move over I'm driving." Rebuke said as he moved to the driver's seat making the woman pout.

"Why?"

"Because last time you drove me anywhere I almost died." The '_And that was when I was immortal' _part was left out but she seemed to get the entire message anyway. Troy just shook his head at their antics before climbing in to the back seat. Rebuff turned on the radio as Rebuke pressed down the gas pedal.

**BGM: 2 of Amerikaz Most wanted- 2pac & Snoop Dogg**

"Oh this is perfect!" Rebuff cheered as Rebuke drifted around a corner and drove down the street until they eventually ran in to a group of people wearing yellow.

"Alright kids, getting your first kill ain't easy but if is too much for you I can talk to Julius about letting you leave-"

"I'm drifting Rebuff fill these assholes up with lead now!" Rebuke shouted as he whipped the car around. Rebuff wasted no time and began unloading her clips in to the poor Vice Kings. Rebuff managed to take out most of them, but two managed to hop over a fence. "I got this." Rebuke muttered as he turned the car around again.

*CRASH*

Rebuke drove through the fence and took both of the men out before throwing the car in reverse and driving back the way they came.

"I-I think that was good enough." Troy said with wide eyes. "Let's get to Forgive and forget and get the heat off of us." Troy said making Rebuke shake his head.

"Not yet." The black haired boy said as he parked in front of Friendly Fire and popped the trunk open. "Alright everyone get out!" Rebuke ordered as they got out of the car. Rebuke ran in to the store and shot down the security cameras.

"Kid what are we doing back here?" Troy asked in confusion as he ran in to the store.

"Since we're going to Forgive and Forget anyway, I'm getting my money back." Rebuke deadpanned as he aimed his Desert Eagle at the clerk. "Get on the ground now!" Rebuke shouted as Rebuff aimed at the glass casing.

***BANG*BANG*BANG*BANG*BANG***

_*CRASH* CRASH*_

Rebuke glared at the clerk who was attempting to look at the silent alarm secretly.

_*Click*_

"Go on be a hero." Rebuke said making the man back up from the silent alarm. "Thought so, Rebuff get the register, Troy toss all of the guns and grenades you can in to the trunk we need to be out here in five minutes. After a bit of hustling they managed to get most of the weapons from the store before hopping back in to the car.

**-Forgive and Forget-**

Rebuke pulled up to window and tossed the cashier a one hundred dollar bill. The clerk grabbed and smirked.

"That much cash goes a long way with smoothing things over." The clerk said making Rebuke nod his head sagely before pulling off.

**BGM: END**

"Y-Yo now that things are settled can you drop me off at freckle bitches? I am jonesing for a fun bag." Troy said slightly nervous. He was caught off by the look of disgust he was given by Rebuff.

"You'd seriously eat at a place called Freckle Bitches…?" Rebuff asked before shaking her head. "That doesn't even sound clean."

"Hey don't judge people." Rebuke chided her as he drove down the street. Rebuff rolled her eyes at her boss.

"Of course you'd say that. You are the one that asked me for a "feel boss" inside a pizzeria." Troy looked at her in confusion. "You don't want to know. It's just something from where we came from." Rebuff said, giving her boss a chance to make up a back story for them so they wouldn't seem so suspicious. Troy looked at her with a raised eyebrow as they pulled in to the parking lot.

"Oh and where _are_ you kids from?" Troy asked making Rebuke turn to him after parking the car.

"Steelport." Rebuke answered making Troy widen his eyes. "My family _was_ Morning Star and hers _was _Luchadores. Rebuke began making sure to look sad and put emphasis on the 'was.' "We got together and didn't want to be by the violence and bloodshed much more. So we ran off together isn't that right _Love?"_ Rebuke grinned at his subordinate who was giving him her best death glare. Troy turned to her and she suddenly looked as if she was going to cry.

"Holy hell and you're still alive? Morning Star and Luchadores are having one of the deadliest gang wars of all time! Mad respect dawgs." Troy said slightly aghast. "I'm sorry if I brought up some bad memories but I'll let Julius know you are the real deal." Troy said uncomfortably before exiting the car. Rebuke nodded and drove off and almost as soon as they were out of hearing distance Rebuff punched the boy in the arm.

"_Love?_ What the hell was that?" Rebuff growled at her boss who suddenly gained a serious expression causing her to quiet down and here him out.

"Listen you know me, I don't do anything without a reason." Rebuke said seriously. "Now that I gave Troy that sob story he'll gain a soft spot for us, if we play our cards right. He's a cop, a _good_ cop. We play the woe is me card and we snake him as hard as Julius is going to do _me_ later." Rebuff nodded her understanding before realizing what he said.

"Wait, what? You're still planning on getting blown up?" Rebuff asked perturbed.

"Yes, we can't change this too much until I AM the Boss." Rebuke told her as they pulled up to a light.

"But you can actually die; you _know_ **we** can't afford to lose you just yet. What am I supposed to do on this planet if you're dead?" Rebuke just looked at her.

"Simple you wait. You hide out until Jorn can come get you and give you your strength back, no matter how many years it takes for him to make it. And when he does you tell him he's in charge." Rebuke said as if he was talking about the weather. Suddenly Rebuke broke out in to a large grin and flicked her on the forehead.

"AH you douche!"

"Brighten up; we still need to find a place to live. With the money we got today we can rent an apartment for a bit." Rebuke said sounding like his usual self. Rebuff thought about it for a second before looking at her boss.

"Stripper pole?" She asked with a grin.

"Of course!" Rebuke agreed with a laugh.

**Mission: Back to basics: Complete!**

**Cash+ 500**

**Current Cash: 10,000**

**PAUSE**

**And that's it for the follow up chapter of Saints row. If you want this to be a fic make sure you vote for it on my page and Review!**

**~RebukeX7**


	4. Results

**Time for the Results! (Note More votes may have come in after I wrote this but it doesn't matter THESE are the final results) **

**HP Vs. HG: 74**

**FAO: 66**

**Spidey: 57**

**HOTD: 52**

**Louise: 50**

**SSB: 27**

**Saints: 21**

**Now for the Bonus Points. Each Review is +1 point ( did this due to the sheer difference in size for each fandom)**

**HP VS HG: 74(+ 15)**

**FAO: 66(+ 38)**

**HOTD: 52(+ 24)**

**Spidey: 57 (+ 32)**

**Louise 50 (+ 19)**

**SSB: 27 (+ 8)**

**Saints: 21 (+8)**

**Now FOR every 5 favorites there will be 1 point**

**HP vs. HG: 89 (+ 4)**

**FAO: 104 (+7)**

**HOTD 26 (+4)**

**Spidey: 89 (+ 5)**

**Louise 69 (+ 3)**

**SSB: 35 (+ 1)**

**Saints: 29 (+1)**

**AND finally for every 3 follows you get one point**

**HP vs. HG: 93 (+10)**

**FAO: 111(+12)**

**HOTD: 30 (+7)**

**Spidey: 94 (+9)**

**Louise: 72 (+8)**

**SSB: 36 (+2)**

**Saints: 30 (+2)**

**END RESULTS**

**BGM: FAIRY TAIL MAIN THEME**

**FAO shows why the Fairy Tail guild is the best by blasting in first with 123**

**HP vs HG proves that working together can have favorable results by apparating into 2nd with 103**

**Spidey, Marvel's crowned king, web swings next to HP vs. HG with 103**

**Louise blows the rest away by coming in to third with 80**

**The bet in HOTD goes unresolved for the time being by coming in 4****th**** with 37**

**The tale of SSB looks like its doomed to be told in flashbacks by placing 5****th**** with 38**

**And it seems Jorn managed to free Rebuke and Rebuff with a score 32 making them Last place**

**NOW before you rage I'm taking the top THREE (Or in this case 4 due to the tie…did you guys plan this?) stories and turning them in to fics. I WILL focus primarily on the first place story but the runner ups will be updated)**

**The rest of the stories will either be scrapped like SSB, May be co-authored with Jorn at a later point like HOTD or just updates if I ever have writer's block like Saints.**

**Happy Holidays, everyone!**

**~RebukeX7**


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